How do you want to be remembered?

What a week, eh? And I am not even starting about the election...All in all it has been an emotional few weeks. I have been behind my laptop several times to start typing, so much has happened since the last time I blogged, and then I lost the last blog I had already written but not posted yet, or started looking through pictures and got completely distracted and lost a few hours, then the threshold to start again became so high that I kept putting it off. (ooh and it bugs me so! I had this whole thing written about all the wonderful books I have been reading and about our new normal with me working….:o( really don’t understand what happened to that word file.)

But today I am checking a lot of things off my to do list and this is one of them! I have 3 word files open and will keep at it this time. The hubby is happy with his Hawaii Five-0 backlog, so we are both happy on the couch in this cold, cold weather. We were supposed to be going to a party later, but both the hosts are down for the count with the flu going around, and I just put on my sweats and must say, the couch is quite comfy.

But let me get to the recounting part of the blog. Last time I wrote, we had just decided on the date to have my parents over, and I can’t believe that has already been 3 months ago.

In September, school started again and I started working. It took some time to get used to the new routine, with me leaving the house veeeery early and getting home more than 12 hours later. I like what I am doing and love putting some hard-earned cash towards good stuff at the end of the month, the commute however….

The weather has been amazing all the way through October, but once wintertime set in, the cold felt welcome and settled right in. It has become harder and harder to find the energy to do all I usually do when the sun is out. But we have enough races to keep us running. With my appendix taken out a year ago, I have all these races I want to have a second go at this year and so far it seems I haven’t gotten worse at running. Not a lot better either, but as a new running mate said: you might not be faster, but you get over the finish line in much better shape than a year ago and that is also a victory! Joris can concur, he has to endure a lot less verbal abuse on the road ;o)

I was planning to go home to bake the yearly Christmas cakes, but the plug was finally pulled on that this week, it was just one trip too many this year. In the last few weeks, once again, I have been trying to do everything and do everything well, with a smile on my face, and it has been, let’s just say: challenging. I have passed my first exam for my Master’s on the skin of my teeth, on the second try, reading on the train on the way to and from work, barely being able to make time after/around work. As I was saving up for my ticket, I started doubting if me going to Curacao was the best use of the money, as I knew of some worthy other causes for an amount that big. It seemed like this time things were falling in their place, that after 6 six years of saying I was coming to bake, I would actually be there this year! Something told me to hold off on buying the ticket and I am happy we did. Circumstances changed, and it is the wise thing for me to stay here for December, and work the hours available. My salary has become essential in creating peace of mind for us and loved ones around us, so we chose to keep using it for that purpose.

I chickened out and called my dad to tell my mom that I was not coming. I did not sleep at all that night. The next day at work my mom send me a broken heart emoticon, that is how I knew that he had passed along the message. We apped a bit then and it was all I could to not to burst out in tears behind my desk. As it was a particularly busy day at work, and I had my earphones in to shut out everybody else to get my work done.

As had happened a few weeks ago, the perfect song came by at the perfect time. After my little existential crisis a few weeks ago, I have been thinking a lot about what makes me happy. In order to gain some perspective when I feel that I am stuck in a situation I cannot control or change, when I am dependent on unreliable people. It comes down to the same thing every time. I want to be a kind person. I want my parents and (chosen) family to be proud of me. Who cares if I pass my Master’s degree (at all or) with flying colors or if I take a bit more time getting things done at work?

The song that came by is a song by the band Magic! The words that stuck with me are these:

'Cause on the day when you face judgment
You better have your story straight
Were you a good friend and a husband
To the ones that give you love, love, love
Who you love, love, love

So since that day I have dialed back on school, and turned up the kindness factor. I have cooked and baked for busy families, send random happy cards to people around us and try to be more attentive and follow up with important events of people around me and making time to read more books. My sister has send me a kindness ninja challenge just in time! www.kindnessninja.me