Life is funny. Not ROFL funny, but it amazes me each time again how Life steps in and never bothers to check your schedule.
You see, I am a fixer. A pragmatic, sensitive problem-solver with a knack for predicting needs of others. Always (trying) to think in solutions. Even when nobody asked me to.
This has made my life infinitely more difficult than it needs to be at times. Trying to fix people/situations/(imaginary) problems that can't be 'fixed'. So last year, as I was trying to 'solve' life as it was happening around me at high speed, I nearly did myself in.
A few things saved me. Some of them are purry and four-pawed and smell wonderful when you squeeze and breathe in their furry necks. Even when they don't feel like hugging you back.
And even though he doesn't realize it, my incredible husband kept me sane. He sometimes blames himself for not being able to reign me in from trying to take on the world single-handedly. (Hunny, talk to my Dad. After 36 years being married to my mom, he could teach you a few things...) But it is his unrelenting patience and willingness to help that helps me through the difficult times. That, Henri Bloem and my other favorite J's (Jason Mraz, John Mayer and Jamie Cullum).
Music has always been important for me. Maybe some of you have noticed that the majority my blog posts have song titles as names. I love to listen to the lyrics and sift through my file cabinets in my head. I have this whole soundtrack of my life stored in my head and heart and sometimes only the bassline of a song can trigger a place/time/person memory. So when we choose the music for our wedding, I knew pretty soon what I wanted. Joris walked down the aisle on the words of Bob Dylan's Make you feel my love. (I've put the lyrics below)
Sometimes it is even hard to keep things good when things are good. But it is when things are not that great that you can feel surrounded by love. The for better or worse kind. The kind that makes you not even think once before doing something you never thought you'd do, or be wherever it is that you are needed most. To be thankful and realizing that "the better is so much better than the worse is bad" (quote from book After Anne).
I truly believe that the purpose that I have been put on this earth for, is to love and make people feel my love. I have just re-committed myself to this. I had forgotten this.
Mom, if I could reach in and take away your pain, I would, a thousand times.
Joris, words can not describe how much I love you. Thanks for being you and therefore enabling me to be me.
Make You Feel My Love
Bob Dylan
When the rain is blowing in your face
And the whole world is on your case
I could offer you a warm embrace
To make you feel my love
When the evening shadows and the stars appear
And there is no - one there to dry your tears
I could hold you For a million years
To make you feel my love
I know you haven't made your mind up yet
But I would never do you wrong
I've known it from the moment
That we met
No doubt in my mind where you belong
I'd go hungry
I'd go black and blue
I'd go crawling
Down the avenue
You Know there's nothing
That I wouldn't do
To make you feel my love
The storms are raging
On the rolling sea
And on the highway of regret
The winds of change
Are blowing wild and free
You ain't seen nothing
Like me yet
I could make you happy
Make your dreams come true
Nothing that I wouldn't do
Go to the ends
Of the Earth for you
To make you feel my love
