I have a very, very eclectic taste in music.* And a good music pitch memory. When I start singing in my head, it almost always is in the pitch of the original song. I test that often, by looking up a song that has been playing inside my head, to check if I am ‘right’. Escape is one of my go to in-head songs for as long as I can remember. When I am waiting on something and I need to kill time, I always sing this song and count it as 4 minutes. Just minding my own business, (getting caught in the rain), killing time (and the taste of champagne), enjoying the wait (in the duuuunes of a cape)…
*a few days ago, the first time going out in a looooooong time,
with some Dutch rap beats playing and me loosening up my hips, a dear friend
here on vacation for the first time, a bit both over and underwhelmed by the
Wet & Wild spectacle in front of us said: What I think is funny is, when I
got to your guestroom, there was a box there with lp’s, and in front was the
Dark side of the moon…. (with Poke
in the background: je bent niet van hier, he...) Yup, that is my musical
upbringing in a nutshell.
At this same place, Wet & Wild, in 2007, I met this guy.
Tall and skinny, smart and funny, just the way I like ‘em. Timing wise not the
best moment, but such is life. He was my neighbour and took me out for a drink
and I thought why the hell not. Not too long after, we kissed for the first
time and the rest is history.
 |
| October 2007 |
He had been single for a bit, I had been unhappy for a bit,
so to find each other and be happy should have been a good thing, one would think.
And many thought so. We complimented each other, had fun together and were on
the same page about most things. We made 3 agreements when we started dating
officially: 1. I would never wait with food, you either communicate or you eat
alone (too many IT folk in my life, 'just running this last backup' are famous
last words) 2. We will not fight about chores, we both work hard, we either
pull our weight of pay for someone to do it. 3. If the relationship does not enrich
our lives, we move on, no hard feelings. We’d rather end as friends, than start
hating and resenting each other.
And that is the way we approached most things, with rationality
and common sense and to be honest, kindness. I asked for a prenup, as I had
student debt and he didn’t. People might think that is calculating, and it absolutely
is. I did not want my debt to become his burden. And knowing we both wanted to own
our companies one day, it was a good way to secure assets.
We wanted more for ourselves, so uprooted our pretty awesome
life to take a leap to the other side of the pond, to challenge ourselves. We
worked hard, those first few years…We slept on the ground in our first home. We
were happy with our 3 cats and our mini electric oven while building on our future.
Making new friends, new memories, gaining new knowledge. We had some low lows,
and struggled with finance and energy. But slowly we started reaping rewards.
Getting comfy in our home, reaching goals.
Around 10 years in, I remember the moment vividly, I was standing in our garden, looking down from a stage, on this world we had build and felt strongly, that this was not enriching my life. All the good times in the last year, were mostly superficial, lonely even. We had lost the touch, the fun, the goals we had together. And I made it known.
Nothing changed.
And then everything changed.
The moment that we had decided
that we would put agreement number 3 in place, the universe intervened. Polly wanted
a cracker and was the one thing that held us physically together until that was
taken care of. We took care of Polly and then took care of ourselves. Each in
their own way, in their own chosen place in the world. That was the best thing
we could have done for ourselves. Even now I think, even if we would not have
found the way back to each other, this healing time was needed no matter what. It
made us stronger individually and it made us almost indestructible together.
But we did. We found our way around the world together. He
found his place in the world and we made 3 new agreements. 1. I wanted to be
able to have a kick-ass job, even if it wasn’t in that place. We would make it
work. 2. A house where we could receive guests at any given moment. 3. I wanted
to be able to leave the island at least once a month, even if it was to go deep
see fishing. But at least every 4 months, I wanted to go to my place to hug my
people.
And with the way our lives together have been, there is no
way to tell where we will be in a year. Because we have never been afraid to go
after what we want, even if people get their panties in bunch. Because we don’t
just colour outside the lines, we colour even when there are no lines. Because you
can take the girl out of her coloured environment, but you can and never will take
the colour out of her. I am just lucky to have found a person who has been
sublimely colourblind and colour loving at the same time.
As you can see, in our decisions and movements, we considered
our own wants and needs. We did not need to deliberate with others outside of
this marriage. We are grown ass people, with a grown ass relationship and will
carry any grown ass consequences of our actions. Because that is how we have always
done it. And that is how we will continue doing it. Soeks for life.
