Today I want to respond to a request from a person very dear to my heart. She asked how I deal with forgiveness. How do you forgive someone when that person does not ask for it? Or does not seem remorseful?
As we were driving home from a very arduous trail run (first of 5 in as many weeks coming), the endorphins were flowing through my body and I was catching up with all the whatsCrap messages I had gotten in the hour I was offline. One of them was from an ex-boyfriend. A person with whom I had been through a lot of crap. Moments I am not proud of, bawling in public transportation, throwing of clothes out in the street, months of not speaking. And still, this person is now a friend. A person I would not want to miss in my life. It is because of all we have been through together, that he is the person I would send a message when I meet a mutual friend, or find an old picture, or just because we haven't had contact in a long while.
And then this song by James Bay came on. I could feel the inspiration coming and could not wait to get home to get this on paper.
My ex and I could have both chosen to take another road, to stay angry and forget we have ever met, loved and hated. I am happy to say, that I don't have many people in my life, with whom all bridges are burned. And don't get me wrong. I can be a proper witch. I can be cold and delete you from my life and forget that you exist altogether. I have done that. I will not spend another second of my life or ounce of my energy on you anymore. That will put you in the pile: not important enough to keep around.
But life is hard lo live without leaving a mark, if you do it right. That means that you leave your mark on people and others leave theirs on you. And not all marks heal without scarring. But that is par for the course, I guess. What has helped me to deal with this is to realize that scars don't hurt. They are there to remind you of pain you have survived. They are reminders of lessons you have already learned and should not forget. And to be able to rationalize, I keep in mind the 4 agreements. Especially number 2 and 3. I keep repeating that to myself,
When you forgive, what you are really doing is allowing yourself to let it go. Let go of anger and hurt and bad energy that are keeping you from making room for beautiful things that could fill that space. It has nothing to do with the other person. It should not matter whether the other is remorseful or doing the same to another. That person is walking a path that is not yours and life will come full circle for them as well.
Let it go, let it be, just be you and I'll be me.
