Sunday bubbles

I have this friend. Lovely woman, awesome mom, good at what she does for work, huge heart and cute and funny on top of that. One thing about her, is that she does not see this herself. (I think she is beyond awesome, but more on that another time.) Furthermore, every time we are gabbing and I say something I think needs improvement in my relationship, her response is: but he is so great! Such a catch! He is better than others!

I know, babe, he is awesome, that is why I married him. Love him to pieces. That does not mean, that there are never times in which I think I want to kill him with my bare hands or think if I have to repeat this one more time….!!! Everyone's relationship standards might not be the same, some things that would bother you, would not even blip my radar and vice versa. And I will NEVER complain about something with others that I have not complained to the person in question about.

But the point I want to make is, that I think that I am great too, I am also a catch and that I do my utmost to be his safe space, biggest cheerleader and support him the best I can in all his endeavors. There is no doubt in my mind about it. We got into this relationship on equal footing, well matched and enthusiastically so. We made clear agreements:

1. We don’t fight about household chores, either we pull equal weight or we pay for someone to come in. Nothing sucks joy out a of a relationship like fighting about how often to change the sheets.

2. I do not wait for you in a communication vacuum. Having had a father in IT and all my boyfriends as well (I sense a trend), just finishing up! are famous last words and before we know it, it is 3 hours later. No word means I do what was planned: dinner, going out, whatever, without you, unless I hear from you. Hence the special ringtone that signified him calling from the car as he left the lot at the office, so I can start warming up food etc.

The third agreement was the most important: If we feel we are not adding to each other’s lives anymore, we walk away from this. We are awesome together, but honestly we were awesome before each other too. Of course we had good times and bad times! But I see it as this: even at a job, you have yearly reviews. Underline the good things, talk about what can be improved. If a second year does not show improvement, a PIP is put in place. If in year 3 no improvements are seen, we start talking about termination. Why is that same method so strange for the relationship that is the most important in your life? Why is not the same effort put into checking in and recalibrating together to set course? Life passes you by before you know it. You don’t want to look back and think: when was the last time we had some quiet quality time to talk about stuff? Real stuff, not only operational household things. Giggle and recap and plan and no phones and snacks and bubbles and good music and so on...

That is why the Sundays are important for us. In the last months I might have offended people in my rigidity regarding blocking this afternoon off. I don’t care. We are keeping so many things afloat, working odd and long hours all other days of the week. Because of these weekly check ins, nothing gets the chance to snowball or fester or create resentment. No conversation is put off and becomes a WE NEED TO TALK  end of my rope moment. This is Soeks time. DND. We are off bubbling.