This blog has been typed and retyped in my head many, many
times. Because so much time has passed and so much stuff has happened that the
main subject of the blog kept changing, but also because I could not think of a
song that could encapsulate the emotions going along with all of that.
And then, this morning, in the one place where I get many
bright ideas, it suddenly came to me. So as soon as I got out of the shower, I
sat down in my robe and started typing away.
When I was growing up, as it still is today, I loved all
kinds of music. So much so, that I never really was an extra fan of one
particular band or artist. From the get go I loved soundtracks, some even
without seeing the movie. My parents had the long-play album for the Summer of
42 (still haven’t seen that one), I have the theme song playing in the
background now and I think it must have been my ballet genes that loved the
score as a kid under 10 years….I was lucky enough to have an older sister with
a more, popular, albeit repetitive, taste. So besides the aforementioned Michael
Jackson album that even my father should know by heart through forced osmosis,
the soundtrack of the Bodyguard is also one that I know by heart. From the
super popular I will always love you by Whitney to the Trust in me by Joe
Cocker, we have sung along and fiercely stomped along our imaginary runway in
borrowed high heels from our mother on Lovely Day and got in the mood for
tidying our room to Every woman.
We usually skipped through the ‘sappy’ songs. But after
finally seeing the movie, years later, as it was rated at least PG 13 (you know
my mom’s stance on those) I could appreciate the songs for what they were and
the feeling they invoked in the movie. And I definitely could appreciate the
artistry of Whitney.
This past week a great bully told me: …and then, you will
have nothing….(imagine a very low and angry voice here). Besides the fact that
in the faces of bullies I am very well-trained (it is afterwards that I show
discomfort, if any), it made me think a bit over the next few day or so.
As I have mentioned over and over and over and over again in
the last blogs, there has been a recurring theme in my life the last year. I
guess that is my mid-life crisis. What makes me happy? What gives me
fulfillment? What puts a zip in my step even if I have to do stuff I don’t
like? And every time it comes back to the same things. I know what is important
to me. I know what the things are that give me the strength to get through the
less fun stuff.
Yesterday my sister had health scare and I thought, what
if something happened to her??? That is a thought that never leaves your mind
when you live at at least 10 hours travel away from your loved ones. Every
morning when I wake up, the first thing I do is check my phone to see what happened
those waking hours there that I was asleep here. Joris laughs about it, because
it is such an automatic movement, that I pushed him away this morning to reach
for my phone without even knowing when he came to hug me awake this morning. In my defense, I am usually up earlier than he
is, so I am not used to have him between me and my phone at that hour! Aforementioned
husband went south for carnival last Monday and felt in such a deep sleep that
I had to listened for breathing sounds, as he did not move the whole night. Whilst
he was partying, I went shopping with my kid sister and then went to pick up her
kids at daycare. My big friend, co-middle child Bleo threw himself in my arms
instead of mama, surprised us all!
To sum it all up, as I am getting quite cold sitting here in
my robe, and I neeeed to go put on some heels and stomp around on Lovely Day ever
since I mentioned it, I was reminded this week once again of what matters to
me.
I would have nothing, if I don’t have you, family. The rest
is just fodder.
I know this question will come up:
Definition of fodder. 1 : something fed to domestic animals; especially : coarse food for cattle, horses, or sheep. 2 : inferior or readily available material used to supply a heavy demand
No comments:
Post a Comment