Death & Taxes

They say nothing in life is sure but death and taxes. After many, many hours at the tax office I must agree that I now have a death-wish. Or better yet, a kill-wish.....

People always say that I don't have patience. People who know me better might know better. I can spend hours and hours decorating a cake, or doing any kind of arts and crafts project. I can explain anything to anyone until I am blue in the face, if that person really wants to learn. There are just certain things that I do not care to put up with.

Let's just say that these last few weeks and especially the last few days have given me room to expand other people's opinion (ahum..Joris...) of how patient I can be. I have even found the time to come up with a short manual of how to leave the island.

DIY Manual

for people considering to abandon the island of Curacao

Step 1: Really, really think about it. Do you really want to leave? It will take a considerate amount of energy to achieve this. If you are not sure, DON'T!

Step 2: Start early, at least 10-12 weeks in advance. Especially if you are not born here, or married to someone not born here. It is no longer possible to leave the island on a guarantee certificate (this is new, as of 01-06-2010) for the tax office.

Step 3: Don't believe anything one person tells you at any 'loket', reception, security post. Ask a second and possibly a third person and look on the website, just in case. The truth will lay somewhere in the middle. In reality the truth changes depending on who you speak to. If at all possible, get information in writing (if you do, make a picture of the moment and send it to me, I would loooove to see that...). If they tell you to come back for something on a certain day, start calling a day before to make sure it will be ready for you.

Step 4: Be prepared to wait. Mentally and physically. In my case this means carrying snacks, drinks, an always fully charged I-pod and a book. In case you have a tiny bladder, like me, remember that banks don't let you use their bathrooms. Try to make it fun, you have to go through it anyway.

Step 5: Plan well, some offices are open at odd hours, others are closed on Fridays. Try to avoid banks on the last and first days of the month. In our case, during the World Cup Matches where Argentina, Brasil or Portugal were playing, the lines were a lot shorter everywhere.

Step 6: Make copies of all documents you receive and submit. Scan them and store them online so you can access them on anyone's pc.

Step 7: Be with somebody that speaks to local language to avoid any misunderstandings. This will save you some time sitting in the wrong queue. The security guards of most public offices just don't care or delight in the fact that they know more than you do and might misinform you on purpose. Try to avoid them and speak with a real employee.

Step 8: Don't lie to, yell at, threaten, hit or kill any public office employees, as it might delay your departure from the island. Even though some of them are only there to fill out their seats and don't have one ounce of servicemindedness in their unusually colossal asses, you will have to deal with them on their terms. And sometimes, suddenly, you will come across a person that will go out of her way to help. Really appreciate these little miracles.

We still have a week to go, and we really, really thought, stupidly enough, that these last weeks would be spend at the beach, sipping drinks with umbrella's....Let's just hope that on Friday Joris gets his last tax stamps and we can finally go queue somewhere else. We need a change of scenery...